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Shalla Radiolady's avatar

Oh I can completely see how it can come across like that and it does run parallel, a lot of what I go through with the brain changes and all the CPTSD runs parallel to a number of things...

But it's more like a bic lighter, you can't refill it and or if you run out of flint... You're just going through the motions of using the lighter but getting no fire or even a spark

I've been through too much, for too long, from all angles and it's more akin to how folks in Gaza have to be inorder to survive helping others or coping to be strong for their kids

Certain aspects of me are empty and just have nothing left to give

And no worries on how you come across, I feel safe with you and will ask questions vs emo rollercoaster assumptions and biting heads off lol

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Shalla Radiolady's avatar

I find it weird, I've pretty much used up my fear over the last 3 years and I mean that for all types of fear... I have so little left to feed it

I still feel fear but it's at such a lower level, it's easier and faster to process without being pulled into the "what it's" and getting stuck in mental quicksand

I worry and I allow myself to give in to that on occasion, when folks or situations are worth it to me...

But overall I'm just so empty of what folks still incorporate from others or allow to fester within themselves

I feel very "alien" at times but I've survived being emotionally flatline, I'll survive this and find a healthy balance of fear when it's appropriate

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